"a taste of thai" pad thai noodles

these noodle boxes are actually pretty good in terms of $4.29 boxed dinners. i liked the "peanut noodles" flavor better (isnt pad thai pretty much the same as peanut noodles?? apparently not).

instructions:

• open box and find a packet of stringy clearish things that must be noodles, a silver packet of "sauce", and a vacuum sealed pack of "peanuts" that dont look, smell, or taste like peanuts. 
• read instructions on back of box. feel temporarily confused because you accidentally read them in the order "1. ... 3. ... 2. ... 4. ...". Fill box with water to the fill line which is conveniently marked ONLY on the outside, so you basically have to guess how much water to use
• instructions say to add the sauce to the water, then the noodles. struggle to open the packet of sauce. cant find a little tear line so try using teeth. squeeze packet too hard so when you finally get it open, it makes a mess. sigh and shake your head.
• put the sauce in the water. it has the consistency of jelly and just sits at the bottom of the water. feel kind of grossed out. stir it in and it looks a bit better. 
• put the noodles in the saucy-water. they definitely dont fit very well, so half of them are above the water and the other half are below. try to break them with your fork and push them all in but they are slightly too pliable. shrug and hope it works anyways.
• not feeling very hopeful, put it in the microwave for 2:00 with the top of the box open as instructed.
• while waiting, contemplate what kind of stupid graphic designer placed the instructions on the box. obviously steps 1 and 2 should be on the first line and 3 and 4 on the second. the microwave buzzer startles you and you are pulled back to reality.

• pull the box out of the microwave. it is hotter than you expected, almost drop it on the ground. curse at it and look at the instructions again. stir noodles (aka push them all the way under the water, apparently) and microwave for another minute.
• grab a beer from the fridge. look for the bottle opener but someone must have taken it. try to open it on the counter but accidentally just dent the counter. try to remember where your lighter is to attempt opening it with that but you are interrupted by the microwave buzzer. 
• take noodles out. accidentally burn yourself again. look sadly into the box, where it looks like gross sauce-water noodle soup. start thinking about what else you could possibly eat if this doesnt work out. 
• shut box and wait for a minute, as the instructions instruct. rummage through cabinets and fridge hopefully. find: a nearly empty bottle of honey, an empty box of oreos, reeses peanut butter cups you forgot about in the freezer, and some raspberry-flavored kefir. looks bleak.
• open box. miraculously, noodles look like noodles and smell actually kind of good. add the vacuum sealed "peanuts". stir. consume. enjoy a pleasantly surprising <5min <$5 meal.